About Hammer
When I sat down to write this, my intention was to tell you about myself, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I’m no more interested in writing my biography than most of you are in reading it, so here are some highlights.
I was born in Europe to American parents, so I’m not really uncut.
Although I didn’t actually grow up in Europe, somehow I feel more European than American most of the time. Maybe it’s just because I’m tired of our government and the religious fanatics trying to legislate morality. Instead of becoming more enlightened, we seem to be reverting back to the dark ages and the idea of living in the south of Spain grows more appealing to me every day. At least the inquisition is over, there.
I’m a college graduate. I majored in psychology, but the idea of listening to other people’s problems didn’t appeal to me, and the study of the paranormal just doesn’t pay enough, so I make a living doing something college didn’t prepare me for.
I’m a good artist and play the classical guitar. Unfortunately I don’t have time to do either right now. Maybe when I retire.
I got the nickname Hammer because I used to race bikes (the kind without the motor).
My friends think I’m egotistical, brilliant, passionate, blunt, arrogant, outspoken, opinionated, ill tempered, compassionate, and generous.
My wife thinks I yell too much, but I’m a great fuck and buy her nice things, so she puts up with me.
My kids think I yell too much, but I’m cool and buy them nice things, so they put up with me, too.
I don’t like politics and have done my best to avoid the topic for most of my life, but as I grow older I find myself strangely drawn to the idea of running for president.
I like fast cars, fast women and fast food. Have you ever ordered burgers at the McDonald’s drive-thru while getting a blowjob in a Ferrari? Try it sometime, it’s pretty cool.
I like sex. A lot.
I think Janet Jackson’s boobs look like the ones you see in National Geographic. They have National Geographic magazines on the table in my dentist’s office. He tells me that no one has ever told him they found them offensive before.
You can never have too much money, too many friends, or too much sex. Sometimes having too much money brings too many friends, but as long as they want to have sex with me, that’s okay.
That’s enough for now. I need to start working on my campaign strategy and find my wife. Did I mention I like sex?