How to Buy a 14-Year Old Bride
Are you the parents of a teenage girl that gives you constant attitude, stays out late, hangs around with the wrong crowd, drinks or does drugs, and has basically driven you to your wits end? Then have I got the solution for you. Not only can you legally move her out of the house — even if she’s as young as 14 — but you can make a ton of money at the same time.
MarryOurDaughter.com is a matchmaking service for girls between the ages of 14 and 18 and for a mere 5% they will help you find the perfect husband for your daughter.
Now I know that many of you are about to jump out of your skins with excitement at the prospect of kicking your 15-year old brat out of the house and picking up enough cash to take a nice long cruise, but you may be wondering if this is really legal. Apparently it is, at least according to the owners of the site, because most states allow girls to marry at ages younger than 18 as long as they have parental consent.
For example, here is the law in New York:
If you are 16 or 17 years of age, you will need to have a completed parental consent form filled out by both parents. If you are either 14 or 15 years of age, you will need to show the written consent of both parents and a justice of the Supreme Court or a judge of the local Family Court.
If you live in New Hampshire you really have it made.
In New Hampshire, a female between the age of 13 and 17 years and a male between the age of 14 and 17 years can be married only with the permission of their parent (guardian) and a waiver.
One of the first things I thought when I found this site was that it surely can’t be legal to sell people, but don’t worry, the Bible says it’s OK.
Q: IS YOUR SERVICE LEGAL?
A: Absolutely. Within the United States girls can marry as young as 13 years old with parental permission, and the Bride Price is a custom of long standing, mentioned many times in the Bible, and as such is a protected religious practice. Click here for a listing of the age limits and legal requirements in various states. Click here for what the Bible says on Bride Price.
So, you’re sold on the idea and wondering how to set your price, right? Marry Our Daughter leaves the price up to you, but as far as I can tell from the prices on the site, it’s pretty much the same as selling a car. Prices range from $6,000 to $100,000 and the more options and the better the quality, the higher the price.
For example, Hailey is a rising star and has been featured in local billboard ads and modeled for national catalogs. Her dream is to break into movies and television and her bride price is $99,995.
On the opposite end of the bride price spectrum, “Cheyenne has had trouble with unchristian desires” and needs a husband with strong Christian values. Cheyenne is available for the bargain price of $5,995.
Purely for research purposes, I sent in a proposal for a nice 15-year old and here is the email response I received.
Marry Our Daughter has received your Proposal and will review it. If we find it sincere and appropriate, we will forward it to your prospective bride. This process may take several weeks, so please be patient.
I’m not really the type that expects a pat on the back every time I help someone out, but if this works out for you, please post a comment to let us know how things went and how much you got for your daughter.
Posted: September 6th, 2007 under Satire.
Comments: 24
Comments
Comment from balls deep
Time: September 6, 2007, 5:10 pm
quote : “Thank God for your site! Our daughter was really nervous walking down the aisle, but she seems okay now and the money we got let us keep our farm and even add on a few acres.”
hmm… i wonder how many of my relatives i can sell before the government wants a cut?
Comment from Rose
Time: September 7, 2007, 5:15 pm
This really is sad. Talk about exploiting your child geez. What kind of person sells their kid?
Comment from Rose
Time: September 7, 2007, 5:22 pm
Come to think about it this website must be a joke? I honestly do not know what else to say. It has to be a sick hoax?
Comment from Hammer
Time: September 7, 2007, 6:41 pm
My feeling is that it is a parody, but I’m not sure yet. That’s why I sent in a proposal of marriage to see what happens. I’ll certainly post a follow up if I get a serious reply and it turns out it isn’t a joke.
Comment from Steve
Time: September 8, 2007, 3:01 pm
What the heck? This cannot be real. If it is real , my God. What kind of real parent would sell their child to a older guy, chances are, someone in their thirty’s or fourty’s, just for the sake of getting them out of your house!!!! Parents who do this should be ashaimed of themselves!
Comment from I.P. Wherever
Time: September 8, 2007, 5:21 pm
Wow, do they take credit cards? Sign me up. And do they mention what states allow multiple wives? I want to see if I can get a two for one deal.
Comment from Jeff
Time: September 8, 2007, 8:40 pm
This has got to be one of those viral marketing things….
Comment from taco
Time: September 8, 2007, 8:57 pm
testimonial.
1″At first we were worried that Janine was too young to get married, but then her new husband bought her a house and a car and jewelry and the money we got let us buy a house for ourselves. Getting out of the trailer park at our age was the best thing that ever happened to us, and it’s all thanks to Marry Our Daughter!”
—Mr. Jack M.
Comment from Mr. Andy
Time: September 8, 2007, 9:51 pm
lol. america.
Comment from Jayne
Time: September 10, 2007, 5:28 pm
I don’t know if I should be more cynical about the fact that this could be a real site, or that it’s a fake site and we’re so easy to sucker into staring at it.
Bless.
Comment from Jason X
Time: September 11, 2007, 3:59 am
Do you have a good lay-away plan?
Somehow I have to work your site into my blog…
Comment from Caroline
Time: September 11, 2007, 2:11 pm
You people realize of course that the selling of a daughter into marriage is as a tradition as old as human civilization itself? Granted it’s a strange custom in our country in our era of free thoughts and equal rights but I am of the opinion that our current culture is some sort of strange historical aberration and eventually something will happen and we’ll revert. In any case it’s not that strange. Other cultures still do this today in our country and all over the world. It’s called a betrothal. So you can stop freaking out now.
Comment from Paul
Time: September 11, 2007, 3:31 pm
Is Caroline the only person that understands this?
It seems as if the parents have their own goals as well as the children in the description. And who is anyone to judge how people should parent or live their lives? You’re all contributing to making the world one big mediocrity. Where everything is the same, and no one can produce their own ideas.
Comment from theguy
Time: September 12, 2007, 12:35 am
wtf??
Comment from Icangoogle
Time: September 13, 2007, 2:57 am
“The site is a prank. Thank goodness.
But not everyone is in on the joke. The site has gotten 20 million page views in the last two weeks and now elicits around a thousand, mostly angry, emails a day.”
Comment from Reaper
Time: September 20, 2007, 12:46 am
WTF Welcome to the 3rd world country USA? I mean yeah its a custom (of ages past long long past), but what of the girls rights? does she not have a say in this? and the parents? ok so your farm or your family business is going down the tubes. So you SELL YOUR FREAKIN CHILD? IDK About the rest of you but the last i checked this kinda thing was unconsitutional, Backwards (from civilized society), and most of all against the rights of the girl!
Hate me if you want but it still stands, the very reasons you guys are at war is to put this kind of twisted stuff in the past forever. at least thats what your government likes to think (does bush actually think I wonder? lol).
Religous or no, to save a form of monetary gain or no is this not some thing that was banned in the 80’s and 90’s ? these are not your pets or cars…houses or planes…or even your family heirlooms…these are far more precious these people are your children.
Comment from peaches
Time: April 2, 2008, 9:50 am
unfortunately, i don’t think this is a hoax. i thought that when i first came across it like a year or 2 ago. but, the site has changed since then…. so, i’m pretty sure it’s real. you know that these are all bible thumping hicks. no, i’m not making fun of all religious people, just trashy yokels who think that EVERYTHING they do–including have sex with sheep–is justified in the bible.
Comment from emma
Time: May 14, 2008, 4:56 pm
I HOPE THIS SITES A JOKE, BECAUSE ANYONE WHO WOULD SELL THEIR CHILD TO ANYONE FOR ANY PRICE OF MONEY OR JUS TO GET THEM OUT OF THEIR HOUSE IS SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment from Anna
Time: August 13, 2008, 9:14 am
I’d rather have my daughter married at a young age than fornicating her way into adulthood with every tom, dick and harry…
there is no shame in marriage… at any age.
Comment from sHIVELY
Time: July 25, 2009, 3:06 pm
is this really any different than dressing your kid in leather and walking them down a street in a sanfran pride parade? I bet you these girls grow up with a lot less STDs than the kids in pride parades..
Comment from I P Freely
Time: September 9, 2009, 6:56 am
please let me know if you take payments… I would concider having sevral children with my new bride… and sell them off to highest bidder
Comment from Lösvaginor
Time: February 2, 2010, 9:12 am
God that’s sick!!
Comment from Anderson
Time: May 23, 2010, 3:16 am
I think Hummer haven’t got an answer yet? Then this was a joke. This is a usual bride agency, maybe this was some marketing…
Comment from thesis service
Time: June 21, 2010, 6:07 am
wow, it’s something new! people must be crazy to sell their own child I think, so I hope it’s a joke!
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