I’m the Real Father of Anna Nicole’s Baby
I know that there’s a good chance my marriage will be ruined after today, but I can’t take it anymore and I’ve got to do the right thing. I am the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.
It was only a one night stand, but I was horny and Anna was depressed about her weight at that time so I did what any man would have done and offered her my shoulder to cry on. We were two vulnerable souls that both needed something the other was able to provide on that night and I have no regrets. I only hope that my wife can find it in her heart to forgive me so that we can raise mine and Anna Nicole’s love child instead of that liar… er, I mean lawyer, and those other imposters.
Posted: February 15th, 2007 under Celebrities.
Comments: 17
Comments
Comment from Hammer’s Wife
Time: February 15, 2007, 12:52 pm
Hey darling,
This is you know who, and let me tell you that you’d better take this article down and quit your bullshit before i get nervous or one day you’ll wake up and you won’t be UNCUT anymore.
I love you.
C.
Comment from YNOTBob
Time: February 15, 2007, 1:17 pm
Hammer, you gonna let your WIFE talk to you like that? Tell her to go back to cleaning the kitchen and be ready for some real “hammering” in about 10 minutes when you get done with the afternoon episode of “Sportscenter”…and if she is a good girl, you will give her back her shoes so she can sweep the driveway…
good for you on being the father of Anna’s baby…i think you are the only one who isnt gay? or am i wrong?
Comment from GonZo
Time: February 15, 2007, 1:39 pm
Hammer why does your wife keep calling my cell phone babbling about tripping the light fandango and saying she knows once she goes fat she will never go back?
Its embarrassing man.
I told her we really didnt have a brokeback moment in Miami last year it was more like a pending bar brawl.
Comment from Hammer’s Wife
Time: February 15, 2007, 2:03 pm
Ok, so you called your friends to back you up honey? You know what ? That’s fine, no dessert tonight 
Comment from ChadKnowsLaw
Time: February 15, 2007, 2:38 pm
I think after the nasty lawyer comments I am gonna help your wife find the knife!
ha ha ha
Anna was skinny when she got pregnant. Thus, you are NOT the father. But it sounds better coming from Jerry Springer…..
Comment from Hammer
Time: February 15, 2007, 3:03 pm
Sweetie, I was concerned that you’d be bitter, but you know me well enough to know that I am always honest, even when it hurts people.
YNOTBob, yes, to my knowledge I am the only one that is not gay.
Gonzo, we’ll always have Miami, but keep away from my wife.
Chad, as my attorney I was sure that you would support my claims, but I guess the lawyer joke has upset you. You know I didn’t mean it personally.
That photo was taken when I first met Anna a couple of years ago, and is not from the night when we had our fling.
Comment from blogslut
Time: February 15, 2007, 3:30 pm
Poor Anna. Uncut Hammers are ouchy.
Comment from MO
Time: February 15, 2007, 6:00 pm
So basically you had sex with Howard K.Stern as well……..
Comment from A Bowl of Stupid
Time: February 15, 2007, 7:20 pm
Nice. Now we can expect another 3 days of CNN coverage. Let us know how the Wolf Blitzer interview turns out.
Comment from Hammer’s Wife
Time: February 15, 2007, 7:31 pm
It’s okay sweetheart, I forgive you. You can come back home. I just cooked your favorite dinner (see Google article), but please don’t hide in those strip clubs, it’s bad for your heart and you know it.
Comment from GonZo
Time: February 15, 2007, 11:00 pm
He hangs out in redneck BBQ joints and its bad for his heart too. He almost caused a riot. Poor Ron Stewart had to crawl out.
Comment from Pyratas
Time: February 16, 2007, 3:08 am
Hammer,
You’re sloppy seconds to Howard K. Stern.
Damn, and she was a fucking whale! (no, not Stern, the fat drugged up one)
Seriously, you can do better!
I could imagine Mrs. Hammer is a bit “peaved”, hehe!
Less blog–MORE RADIO! (seriously, your broadcasts have been great!)
–Pyratas
Comment from Hammer
Time: February 16, 2007, 7:31 am
Thanks honey, the dessert was delicious last night.
Gonzo, those ribs were good, but you know darn well it was Ron that started the riot.
Pyratas, I figured you would have been a sucker for her tattoos. Thanks for the compliment about the podcast and don’t worry, I’m planning on getting on a regular schedule with those soon.
Comment from bluemoney
Time: February 18, 2007, 8:40 pm
My bad . . I thought it was John Waters and Divine.
Comment from Stunner
Time: May 23, 2009, 5:28 am
I have to admit….that you are a brave man….who has the capacity to admit the truth…way to go!!!!!!
Comment from Rockerrrr
Time: May 23, 2009, 5:36 am
Hammer ….wat i would suggest you to do is to talk to your wife calmly over this issue and you can tell her what exactly happened the other day…she will be the best person to understand your feelings
Comment from John
Time: May 25, 2009, 5:42 am
I could also offer here my shoulder…or even shoulders as I have 2 of them
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