Captain America was arrested at the On Tap bar yesterday for carrying a concealed burrito in his tights. Everything was going just fine until he started asking women if they wanted to touch it. One of the women refused and when he groped her, she called police.

Wonder Woman was later quoted as saying, “I’m not sure why a woman would refuse to play with Captain America’s big fat burrito, but hey, no means no.”

Captain America was taken to the police station for questioning, but things went from bad to worse when a police officer caught him trying to flush a joint down the toilet.

The Legion of Super Heroes was quick to react to the news, hastily calling a press conference. Superman assured reporters that this was an isolated incident and he hoped Captain America’s actions wouldn’t reflect badly on the rest of them. “Captain America has always been one of the most wholesome super heroes and this comes as a shock to us all.”

Spiderman, who recently had a brush with the dark side, commented, “I would have expected something like this from the Incredible Hulk. He’s such a brutish, unsophisticated fellow.” He went on to say, “Personally, I think everyone is overreacting and the bitch is obviously a lesbian.”

Captain America’s alter ego, Doctor Raymond Adamcik, is claiming that he’s not really Captain America and was just having some fun at a costume party when things got out of hand. He posted $2000 bail and has checked himself into a rehab program, taking temporary leave from his practice, and his work as a super hero.

I wish him well. Hopefully he’ll be able to bounce back and put this unfortunate episode behind him.

Source: WFTV.com

Share This