The Babykeeper is a patent pending infant carrier style seat, that hangs from the stall wall in most public restrooms, and can also be used in many public fitting rooms.

I’m not a mother, but I’ve got two daughters and when they were younger there were times when I needed to use a public restroom while I was alone with them, but even if this device had been available then, I wouldn’t have used it.

Here’s a transcript of an actual simulated recording of a mother talking to her infant in the bathroom stall at Macy’s while attempting to use the Babykeeper for the first time.

OK, sweetie, Mommy’s gotta go potty really bad. I told your father Mexican food doesn’t agree with me, but he doesn’t care. Men are all alike.

Sure is a good thing Mommy bought this new Babykeeper, otherwise I don’t know what I’d do, I can hardly keep up with you as it is.

Oh boy, does Mommy have to go bad and I wish you’d stop squirming around so much. C’mon honey, put your foot through this opening. OK, now the other… oh sweetie, now you took your other foot out. If you don’t help Mommy she’s going to go poopie in her panties. OK, good boy, we got your feet in, now let’s get these straps… oops, Mommy tooted and it felt like a wet one… c’mon sweetie, please hold still.

Phew, finally. That wasn’t as easy as it looks. OK, now Mommy needs to pick you up and hook you… Wow, you’re really getting heavy lately… stop swinging honey, this isnt’ a swing. Boy, it sure is hard to hold the poopie in and pick you up at the same time. Whoops… pew, sorry about that sweetie, I told your daddy I didn’t want to eat Mexican food.

OK, I’ve just got to get this last hook up over… damnit, how do they expect a short woman like me to lift you up and reach the top of one of these stalls… Ouch! That really hurt, now my finger’s stuck and it’s pinching… will you please STOP SWINGING!

Oh forget it, I’ll just hook your belt on the coat rack.

If the Babykeeper still seems like a good idea, you can pick one up at Mommysentials.

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