‘Twas a very pleasant 80-degree December evening in Florida last night. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, so I was strolling around my front yard smoking a cigar and admiring my Christmas lights, when what to my wondering eyes should appear? One of my neighbors approaching in his car with something giving luster to his broad face and huge round belly that couldn’t shake like a bowl full of jelly because it was jammed up tight against the steering wheel. As he drove by, I noticed the source of the glow and I laughed when I saw it, in spite of myself.

He has a flip down DVD monitor like lots of folks do, but is it installed in line with the front seats to be viewed by rear-seat passengers? Hell no. It’s installed directly behind the moron’s rear view mirror so he can see it. Some states have laws against using cell phones while driving but this jolly old elf is watching a movie.

I’m not sure if he heard me exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to all, and I hope you’re the only one that dies in the accident.”

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